**Disclaimer: This blog does not give any medical or financial advice.
Since this episode of Ulcerative Colitis began near the end of April, I haven’t seen any blood until this past week. We have an appt with a new gastro dr for this Monday, mom really didn’t want to go, but she is. It doesn’t mean we’re giving up her current gastro dr and I did explain that to mom. Now I have to make it through the weekend trying not to focus entirely on mom’s condition. It is so very difficult. I know that blood is part of the UC disease, but it scares me. I am scared, anxious, depressed, nervous and I, too, have lost some of my appetite…not all, have no fear!
After I gave mom dinner last night, I asked what she’d like me to bring over for breakfast, she said, “Cheese Danish.” I’ll go to my one local bakery this morning and I hope they have them…they used to. I’ll get one for myself, too and then I’ll go pick up 2 small decaf coffees from Dunkin’ Donuts. My new routine is to bring coffee over in the morning, instead of making it myself at mom’s. It’s easier and I think mom enjoys it more! Today my very busy daughter, who is very concerned about her grams (and me) will try to get here. She is a lawyer in a very busy firm. If she comes in, then my husband, daughter and I will go out for dinner later in town to an Italian restaurant to celebrate 32 years of marriage, anniversary is tomorrow!!!! I am so thankful for my husband. He does all of the cooking and so many things around the house.
I do question myself as to if I am doing right by mom. Am I doing right by getting a 2nd opinion? Am I doing right by now letting her eat what she wants to stimulate her diminished appetite and not worrying about her glucose level? Am I doing right by letting her still live independently with me nearby and with me over the house for hours and several times a day? Mom still gets around and has all of her marbles. I think I will know when she no longer can live independently. I am sure all Caregivers ask themselves similar questions or question whether they are doing right by their loved one. I have written this with a heavy heart this morning and hope to shake this funk off before heading over to mom’s.
I do have a support system to vent my feelings: My husband, a friend of ours who is going through the same thing plus she is a practicing psychologist, my 1st cousin (daughter of mom’s sister who also has an inflammatory bowel disease)…so I can vent, I can let it out. Honestly, my daughter is so very sensitive, and I do not like to tell her too much since I don’t want to depress her. She’s depressed enough about her grams. I share my feelings more with my son in India, he, too is concerned about grams and I, but he is an up and coming Life Coach and doesn’t get depressed over how I’m feeling, rather, gives me advice, tells me how much he loves me.